There is a common misconception that people suffering and recovering from eating disorders, addictions, trauma, or other mental illnesses are isolated in their experiences. It is believed that their process toward healing and recovery has no effect on the people around them, nor does it involve friends, family, or supporters. This is completely untrue.

When a person chooses to pursue recovery, they do not go into it alone. Rather, their support systems, family members, friends, and other people in their life go along with them. Yes, it is an individual choice and journey that one makes to pursue wellness and sobriety. However, the people who surround them are along for this trek as well.

When I was going through treatment and eventually transitioned home to be in recovery, my parents and friends were alongside me. I was constantly asked how I could be supported, asked about my process and experiences, and prompted to explain what I was going through. I appreciated the people who wanted to know more and were willing to talk to me about my recovery. This was when I realized that just because I know the ins and outs of my eating disorder and the trials recovery presents doesn’t mean everybody else does.

After a long time of thinking about this, I realized that a lot of people who try to support others going through recovery don’t know how to approach being an ally in someone’s recovery. So, here are 5 ways that someone can start to support someone who is going through recovery. This is not an exhaustive list, but they lay a great foundation and action steps!

Let them know they are loved

It is common for people who go through recovery to come back from treatment feeling as if they might be judged or not accepted by others. I often felt guilty or ashamed of the fact that I needed to go through a long process to be healed from what I went through. Yet I was met with so much love and warmth from people I love and this made coming home a lot easier.

When we let people know that we love and accept them no matter what they are going through, a genuine connection is made. This allows for vulnerability to thrive and the person in recovery will come to you more for support. It provides comfort for them and lets them know that you will be there to encourage them no matter what.

This also will help the person in recovery know that they are not their addiction, their eating disorder, or their mental illness. By letting them hear and see that you love them, you are able to draw a line between who they are and what they are fighting. You can love them while not liking what they did, prompting them to step away from their addictions.

Ask them what kind of support they need

It is important to understand that support comes in all sorts of forms: talking, comforting, validating, giving advice, or simply being there for them. It is in the hands of the person recovering what kind of support they need at specific times.

There are different triggers, emotions, reactions, or moments that cause a variety of responses. This means that a different form of intentional care will be needed. This also varies from person to person. Being able to ask at the moment what a person is needing will help build a bridge between you two and allow for the best way to approach support.

Be aware that someone might now know the kind of support they need. Be open to exploring this alongside them and trying different things that might help! Be patient with them and ask that they be patient with you as well.

Recognize their triggers

Understanding what may trigger trauma, difficult emotions, an eating disorder response, or the pull of disordered thoughts is difficult for someone who is in recovery as well as support persons. Triggers can be anything from a flippant comment, a post on social media, an advertisement, or a moment that is similar to past trauma. With the margin for any of these things being vast, it can be tricky to navigate how to support someone when they are triggered.

However, many people in recovery have triggers that most commonly cause difficult emotions and reactions to arise. Thus, as a support person, you are able to help someone move through these moments.

Having open communication and conversation about possible triggers is important. This way, you can recognize those moments that may be triggering and be attentive to the person in recovery. This also allows you to be mindful of the things you say around them, the activities you offer to do together, and be present for them when struggling.

I can attest that it is so much easier to go through a trigger response when I have a person there who understands what is happening. I feel more inclined to ask for help, and they are in a better position to support me when they are aware of my triggers.

Validate their Experience

Going through recovery is harder than many people know, especially If they haven’t personally experienced a disorder, addiction, or recovery from either. This does not make your support any less valuable, but it is necessary to know that you might not grasp what others are going through.

However, this doesn’t mean you cannot recognize the trial and struggle they are experiencing. You can support someone going through recovery by validating that what they are doing is tricky, hard, painful, and a challenge. Let them know that you can see how they are working toward healing and freedom.

This doesn’t mean you should let them off the hook when they slip because “it’s too hard” but rather push them to keep going! Remind them that the process is hard, but it is still attainable and full of rewards.

Challenge and Celebrate

Part of supporting someone in recovery is to be ready to challenge them in their healing. We cannot continue to grow and develop if we stay stagnant where we are, and sometimes it takes an external force to help us along. When you recognize that someone is listening to disordered thoughts or acting in fear of relapse, then it is time to challenge them.

This may seem like a big responsibility and daunting if you don’t want to make someone uncomfortable. However, there is more freedom after that nudge than to be living in a state of fear. Be open to the idea of challenging a person’s negative thoughts and statements, questioning their disordered thoughts, and reflecting that growth is beautiful.

When you choose to challenge someone, make sure to congratulate and celebrate them afterward! A big part of recovery is recognizing and celebrating wins, and if they get past a challenge, you can call it out! Celebrating the positive side of recovery is necessary as we are retraining the mind to see the beauty of new habits.

Takeaways

There is just as much responsibility for a support person as there is for someone going through recovery. The path is tricky, fragile, and unpaved. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be successful in supporting someone and their process! Lean into the discomfort, speak openly and honestly, and let yourself be a stilt for another person.

There are additional support groups available to people who are friends or family members of a person in recovery. These are a huge help and provide a space for you to feel validated in your struggle as well.

As always, you are not alone in your experience and living! Lean on others and let others lean on you.