Comparison is one of the most ferocious deceptions that people experience each day. We look to other people and admire their success, bodies, and experiences while depreciating what we have achieved and all that is present in our lives.
When we compare ourselves to other people, we start to minimize our own purpose on earth and downsize our triumphs. It is so easy to look to others as a means to measure how we are showing up in life and begin to second-guess ourselves. We ask trivial questions: am I doing enough? Am I working hard enough? Am I good enough? Doubt of our worth, value, and being starts to root into our thoughts.
Yet, in all of this, we don’t find what we are truly looking for. Rather, we stumble into a spiral of jealousy, despair, and discouragement. Stress begins to overwhelm our mental state and push us further from our peace and power. We begin to write a narrative that we are not meeting expectations.
This process continues to intensify as we get caught in a cycle of succeeding to comparing to minimizing to doubting. We then start to push ourselves to the limit, aiming for a point of success that is based on someone else’s life. When we find ourselves in a comparison trap, it is important to interrupt ourselves and realign.
Here are some of the most effective ways to break the cycle of comparison.
- Positive Self Talk
Affirmations and mantras are a fantastic go-to resource when doubt creeps in and we get caught in anxiety or stress. Curating a set of phrases that remind you of your power and purpose can be a great way to spark a positive mindset. The best part about this list is it can be taken anywhere with you and utilized whenever needed. Put it in your phone, write it on a notecard, put it in your journal, memorize it. Having the list handy for when you can’t remind yourself of your worth is such a handy tool to stop comparison in its tracks.
When I catch myself looking at someone else’s life and start to mitigate my purpose and abilities, I write powerful affirmations to tell myself that I am doing just fine. A small and simple reminder that I am successful, perfectly made by God, and loved by my people pushes me out of a toxic comparison spiral.
- Write 5 things you like about yourself
When we begin to compare to others, we see all of the inspiring things they contain and only the things we lack. This invalidates the work we’ve done, shrinks our abilities, and undervalues our relationships. By acknowledging the qualities you possess and like about yourself, all of your greatness, strengths, and assets are called to attention. You begin to open your mind to see your life in a positive and hopeful light, and you can give the gratitude you deserve.
Write on a piece of paper 5 qualities of yourselves that you like. Physically write them down! Actively calling our virtues to mind, writing them down, then reading them allows us to soak in our true merits. We begin to feel hope and favor for our abilities. These 5 things can be physical attributes, successes, personality traits, or special talents. Anything you need to call to the present moment and be thankful for, write them down.
Here are a few ideas if you’re struggling to come up with some:
- I like my sense of style
- I like the color of my eyes
- I like my charisma and energy when I interact with people
- I like the habits and routines I hold
- I like my sense of humor
- I like that I love to read
- I like how tan my skin turns in the summer
- I like my determination to succeed
- I like my work ethic
- Stop Scrolling on Social Media
While social media can be a great space for being inspired and staying connected, it can be such a trap. Unfortunately, it is also a place where all of life’s highlights, successes, and good angles are posted, which can trigger comparison.
I know social media is the breeding ground for comparison for me. I begin to look at others’ bodies, their workflow, what they’re doing with friends and I throw myself into guilt and shame. I start to put pressure on myself to be just as successful as them, if not more, even if we don’t have the same goals. This is often the hardest area for me to interrupt analyzing myself alongside others because it is so easy to grab my phone and start scrolling. I trick myself into thinking it will be inspiring and motivational, but this is not the case.
The best way to interrupt this is by closing the app, shutting off your phone, and doing something else for a while. Start investing time in working toward goals rather than wishing you have what someone else has. Be immersed in your own life rather than ogling someone else’s. This will let you see all of the great things about yourself and the beautiful things that surround you.
Another great way to prevent even starting a social media binge is by reflecting on what your intention is behind going on the platform. Are you looking for validation? Are you looking for new ideas to spark inspiration? Are you looking for ways to boost your confidence? Asking yourself the key question of why you’re going onto social media can be a great starting point to interrupting a comparison cycle before it even begins, and can strengthen self-knowledge.
- Do something you’re good at or love to do
Spending time doing something you’re good at provides a way to recognize and be grateful for your abilities. Your mindset shifts from a place of devaluing your talents and how you show up in the world, to actively appreciating what you can do. It is no use admiring the fact that someone else may be able to juggle 5 flaming swords and you cannot when your talent is balancing on a tightrope with your hands 50 feet in the air; there is no comparison between the clown and the trapeze. In other words, be present with what is special and unique to you, rather than feeling bad that you can’t do what someone else is.
Further, there is less stress over doing something perfectly if you authentically love it and it brings you joy. By developing and practicing a talent or new hobby, you can transition from consuming to creating. Break the chain of observing others and start to focus on yourself!
Alternatively, try a new hobby or develop a new skill. Practice it and build confidence in the fact that you can try new things and be successful. You will begin to feel less compelled to compare yourself to others, and instead improve upon what you already know and love.