I post a lot about bringing awareness to the darker side of our human reality and mental health to raise awareness for mental illness. However, on the other side of depression, anxiety, and trauma there is a world of optimism and silver lining that needs to also be addressed.
A large part of healing is acknowledging what we refuse to accept in our lives. Therefore, it becomes very easy to be sucked into believing that our internal and external worlds have more bad than good. We start to see our lives with a mental filter, recognizing the mistakes we make, the wrong turns, the unfortunate circumstances, the pain, and the sadness. We take on a negative mindset because we are starting to look at the “shadow” part of our lives.
I beg to make the point that there is always something good behind the face of hurt or disappointment. There is always a lesson learned, a friend made, or a new life provided.
While going through my rounds of treatment, I had many therapists with differing opinions on optimism. One told me that I was ignoring the bad and was constantly prompting me to analyze situations I was in to find my malintent. She wanted me to find the uncomfortable and pessimistic side of my experiences and intentions. (Long story short, she didn’t last in my healing journey). Others pushed me to address the uncomfortable while holding onto the positive aspects of my life. And one told me to just experience it all and not be so wound up about either, because both positive and negative are woven into our lives.
With so much talk about toxic positivity circling around, it is also important to realize that it isn’t helpful to present only the negative aspects of life either. It is a beautiful blend of being happy and being hurt, wanting more while being content with what you have, and searching for the sunshine while dancing in the rain.
It is crucial to our well-being that we continue to find the great and joy-filled things in our life to get us through any moment that we are in.
Recognize your Blessings
A mind of gratitude is a mind that is at peace. Many of us are so privileged and we don’t recognize it because our culture is set on material wealth rather than internal wealth. Many of us are blessed with the ability of a healthy and functioning body that can put both feet on the ground in the morning. Others are blessed with a family and a home full of love. Some are blessed with the opportunity to spread their message to millions to support a cause they believe in. And all are blessed with the simplest blessing of breathing.
When we begin to look at what we do have versus what is missing from our lives, we begin to see the abundance that is coming from within. It can be difficult at first to find what you have in your life, especially when we have been taught to see what is lacking. Yet it starts by just simply thanking God (or your higher power) for the blessings you have.
Find One Good Thing
When going through an uncomfortable change, a string of bad days, or a bout of depression, everyday happenings can seem burdensome. When I have gone through major life changes, my mind finds it easy to slip into a state of complaining and finding what is wrong with each day. After moving to college, I found it difficult to settle in and find the good around me. That is until my dad prompted me with finding one good thing each day and taking a picture of it.
This is common for many people; getting so caught up in situational frustration and disdain that they are blind to any goodness that is happening in the world. But by trying to find at least one good thing each day, we start to see so many small, sweet things that bring happiness.
You can start to journal about these things and tell the story about what you experienced, take a short clip of them (I use the 1 Second a Day app), or tell somebody about it. Our perspective begins to change and we start to look for the joy-filled things rather than what is dragging us down. These then begin to build up until you see small blessings every day and let them move within your life.
One for One
With so many negative thoughts and presumptions that go through the brain each day, it can get tricky trying to change perspectives. A great practice that I have found effective is challenging the negative thoughts and changing them into something positive. One positive thought in exchange for a negative one.
This begins to train your brain that there are both good and bad things in this world, but we can choose to seek the positive instead. This can easily be a game you play with yourself as you go about your day, trying to find the silver lining of any situation, or it can be a determination to take your thoughts captive and change.
Here are a couple of examples:
- Negative thought: This traffic is terrible and eating into my time, I hate how crowded the streets are becoming.
New Thought: This traffic is bad, but now I have time to finish my audiobook or call one of my friends while I drive
- Negative Thought: I don’t know anybody here; I should’ve stayed at home.
New Thought: I don’t know anybody here, so I’ll introduce myself to someone and make a new friend so I can have a good time.
- Negative Thought: I keep failing at everything I try, so why would I start again on something new; why should I try again? This isn’t worth it.
New Thought: I haven’t figured out how to do this yet, but I will keep working on it or I will find something else to work on. Not everything can come naturally.
The Takeaway
Life is hard and going through each day with the thought that nothing will ever be good is even harder. But just because things aren’t great right now or you can’t find joy from within consistently doesn’t mean that life will always be bad. It is tricky to find the bright parts of our lives and create happiness for ourselves.
However, it never hurts to look for the sunshine.