Over the last several months, I have been a nanny for a three-year-old girl. I didn’t expect the work to be as challenging, rewarding, frustrating, or enjoyable as it was; I certainly didn’t expect to learn so much from the young human either. The innocent comments, the raucous play, the fervent curiosity, the irking stubbornness, and the unconditional love that I got to see were striking; and over the time I got to spend with her, I learned so much about life, love, the world, and myself.
Lesson One: Always Ask for Chocolate
It is well known that children around the age of three begin to form their likes and dislikes for certain things, particularly food. This young lady was no exception. In fact, she had one of the finest palettes and tastes for food that I have ever been around (and I was in treatment for an eating disorder…). Her family cooked amazing food from scratch for her, occasionally splurging on Krispy Kreme donuts or a Chick-Fil-A meal. Because of this, she was picky with what she wanted or didn’t want to eat. Add this on top of the endless amount of play she strove for and we have ourselves a classic case of a child who just won’t pause to eat.
However, no matter what we were doing, how far from home we went, or how much food she had eaten at her last meal, this little girl always asked for chocolate.
It amazed me that all of this “chaos” could be surrounding her – hair in her face, scraped up knee, the vacuum running, and her stuffed animals aren’t getting along – but she would never forget the fineness of chocolate.
She wasn’t picky about her chocolate either. She loved chocolate bars, chocolate eggs, “vanilla chocolate” (aka white chocolate), or chocolate coins. It was incredible to know that no matter what had happened in her day, she was willing to ask for chocolate.
And boy did she savor that piece of chocolate. It sometimes took her 10 minutes to eat a single square of chocolate because she was enjoying it so much.
I learned from her that no matter what is going on in my life, no matter how many times I fell down, no matter how much I missed my family, no matter how messy my face got I could always expect something sweet to come into my life. I learned to count on the small things that were present in my life and know that I could rely on them to make any situation better.
Lesson Two: Laugh Shamelessly
One of the best sounds is a child wholeheartedly laughing. It’s the laugh that comes deep from within themselves, shaking their body and ringing out for everybody to hear.
The girl I nanny has a laugh so infectious that breaks me out of my head and reminds me that life is something to be enjoyed. She laughs at herself, at the bunny chewing grass, at the tickle of cat whiskers, and at the scenes of a movie. It is laughter that is so genuine and without any reserves, taking me by surprise every time.
She throws her head back laughing as loudly as she can, unashamed and completely in the moment.
I often forget to laugh at the silliness of small things in life. I am not a cynic or pessimist by any means, but sometimes it is harder to find the lightness of a moment. When I am around this girl who finds laughter so effortlessly it reminds me not to take everything so seriously. She has taught me to seek the things that make me laugh or bring me joy.
One of the best memories I have from being in treatment was a yoga class we all took; halfway through, a ripple of laughter started to go throughout the room. From one person to the next, we broke out in laughter without worry or self-consciousness. It passed between us, bouncing from person to person as we all found ourselves releasing all of the tension within us. This laughter untethered us from what we were holding onto and reminded us that life is truly something to laugh at.
Now, I laugh a little more when I watch a funny movie, when my brother cracks a joke, when I am with my friends, or when I see my dog running around. I used to be embarrassed about laughing at something without abandon, but I have learned that there is so much more happiness in life when we laugh at simple daily things. It makes the darkness, the fear, and the tension all melt away.
Lesson Three: Find Wonder in All Things
“What is that?”
“Why?”
“I want that!”
All these phrases are common words coming from this 3-year-old girl’s mouth as she moves through each day. She wants to hold everything, learn something new, or understand the entirety of the world. This is typical amongst most young children as they are learning about all the things in life.
Yet, with every new discovery comes a new sense of awe and I am reminded of the many things in life that I don’t know or understand myself. There are rare aspects of each day that never fail to amaze me but they are washed away by the blinders I sometimes have on.
This little girl has taught me that there is an admiration to be found in everyday things that I take for granted.
The sunrise, the bloom of flowers, the sound of wind chimes, the wetness of a dog’s nose, the flow of water, the shape of clouds, the sounds of another human being, and the feeling of holding someone’s hand. All of these are small bits of wonder to be absorbed and appreciated each day that we so often forget to acknowledge.
I have learned that the earth is full of amazing things that we get to experience all the time, we must first have our eyes open to see and our hearts open to receive. We must learn to see everything with fresh eyes every day and a mind of gratitude to thank God and all of life’s miracles for happening around us.
Lesson Four: Speak your Truth
One of the best parts of being around kids is that they have no filter and say what they please without second-guessing the consequences. While this is an admirable and hilarious thing to be around, it is also tricky as an adult. We have more awareness around what is appropriate, what may offend, and what is best kept to ourselves.
However, the little girl I watched never hesitated to speak her truth.
By “speak her truth” I mean to say that she never faltered in telling me when she was happy, when she was sad, when she was angry, when she was hungry, or when she was bored. It was plain as day what she was experiencing, and she didn’t have an issue with speaking up for her needs.
I know that as we get older, this becomes more complex and lines are blurred when we are in the workplace, boundaries are being set in relationships, and we have a weight of traumatic experiences on our shoulders. Yet, we all have a voice that is meant to be heard when we are searching for our needs to be met.
I have learned that everybody has an internal state of being and that it is best expressed outwardly. I learned that when we begin to speak our truth, people rise to help us or there is a greater understanding and grace presented to us. We are to allow ourselves to be heard and our truth to be bored out because it is unsustainable to keep it tucked away. We lose authenticity and ourselves when hiding what makes us who we are.