Depression, also named major depressive disorder, is a common and serious mental illness that negatively impacts the way one thinks, feels, and acts in everyday life. It is often defined as a mood disorder, characterized by the persistent feeling of sadness, apathy, and lack of interest. This is a basic description of what clinical depression is but does not encompass the totality of the illness and the impact it has on one’s life.

Across many media platforms (social media, movies and tv, news articles, and websites) there is a general depiction of a person who cannot find the will to get out of bed, clean their room, or take a shower. There is an image of overwhelming sadness and a lack of motivation to get anything done. While this is accurate in some cases of depression, this image deters many people from understanding what depression may truly be.

What it feels like to have depression:

Having depression feels like having a wet blanket draped over your shoulders all the time. You walk through each day feeling its weight as the fabric sticks to your skin, wraps around your legs, and constantly tugs you toward the ground. You start to think that the blanket will never fall off or dry, becoming a part of your burden for the rest of your life. The blanket becomes a shell that blocks you from feeling the warmth of sunshine; it hides you from the outside world and makes you exhausted.

Having depression feels like you are either on the brink of tears at any given moment or completely indifferent to what is happening around you. This persistent sadness begins to tire you because it does not come from a certain source. Rather, it resides within your heart as an anchor stays on a boat as it sails.

In many cases, someone suffering from depression may claim that they feel tired all the time and cannot explain why. This is what I experienced and would chalk it up to being wrapped up in school, sports, and social interactions. Thus, my depression flew under the radar as I claimed to be tired. For others, it presents itself as boredom and not being able to find any activities enjoyable.

The apathy and lack of care that comes with depression are especially scary. It is insidious when you cannot will your mind to care about anything. You fear that you will not be able to build relationships that matter to you, find a career or passion that lights you up, or feel love for life.

Depression may feel different for everyone, especially with many variations and ways it takes shape. Yet, there are common symptoms of apathy, exhaustion, boredom, or lack of desire to do anything.

“Just choose to be happy”

I am guilty of once believing that being depressed was a cognitive choice to be sad. I would claim that if you started to feel depressed, it was your responsibility to pull yourself out of it. I went so far as to tell someone that they just need to get out of bed, clean themselves up, and find something they care about to get back on their feet. While this may work for some people, this is not the way to face depression.

One thing I hear often about depression is that it is merely a sadness that does not go away. This is sometimes followed up with the belief that you can make yourself feel happy and choose positivity to feel better. While feeling sadness is true, there is a lot more to the mental illness. Depression, at its core, is the brain’s lack of serotonin. Biologically, you cannot create the right chemicals to feel happy. Therefore, you cannot will yourself into feeling happier or smiling away the emotions you have. Instead, there is a process of therapy, medication, and self-care that must go into finding a break from depression.

We cannot “choose happy” when we are depressed and expect that to be the cure. In fact, many people who are depressed can still feel momentary happiness, but can’t return to it with that ever-present joy.

Further, depression isn’t a means of being sad all the time. It runs much deeper as there is a general lack of care for the world and life as a whole. Therefore, wanting to be happier and choosing positivity all the time does not address the reality of depression as a mental illness.

High Functioning Depression

Depression has different categories it can be separated into while going through diagnoses. The different types of depression allow for a wider range of symptoms, experiences, and interrelated illnesses that one can experience.

High-Functioning depression is one of the lesser-known types of depression because it is much harder to pinpoint. I have struggled with high-functioning depression, and it was so hard for the longest time to understand what I was going through. I didn’t think I could claim depression because I could still feel happy, I still found ways to motivate myself each day, and I maintained participating in activities and social interactions. I thought I just felt sad all the time or that I was tired from living a normal life.

I had the idea that if I were depressed, I had to hate life and be unmotivated to do anything. I thought I would be subjected to not cleaning my room or practicing healthy hygiene. This is the construct that society had created around depression for me, and I truly feared what it would mean to be depressed.

With high-functioning depression, a person is able to go through their day without any great impact on their job, their activities, or how they care for themselves. But underneath the front put up, the person suffering is exhausted, wanting to cry, and cannot seem to understand why they do all they are doing. They think that each day is just a means to an end, feel an underlying sense of doom, and begin to retreat into isolation after a while.

Seeking Help

Depression, like other mental illnesses, is not something to be faced alone. In reality, there are many people who understand what it is like to have depression and likely have experienced it themselves. There is more empathy and understanding in this world than we may ever be willing to believe.

There should be some comfort when choosing to seek help for depression. Whether this is reaching out to a family member, a close friend, a trusted mentor, or a therapist there is a large reach of people who are there to help you.

A great place to start is to go to someone in your inner circle to discuss the things you have been feeling. This can be your close friends, a parent or sibling, the pastor at your church, a coach, or a teacher. If you feel a little bit of comfort with this person and are vulnerable with them, there is an avenue for conversation.

If this is too vulnerable for you, I encourage you to speak with a professional. Many therapy centers and private practice therapists offer free consultations and assessments for people seeking help. Even better, it can feel good to tell someone about what you are experiencing rather than keeping it to yourself. The validation that comes with sharing is often the best part of seeking help.

There is a level of fear that may come with exposing your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. I am here to tell you that is expected and normal. However, the great expanse of human empathy and love goes far beyond anything w can ever imagine. The amount of grace I was shown when I opened up about wanting help was amazing and I never regret it.

The Takeaway

I have suffered from depression since the age of 10, and it has been a difficult path to navigate. I couldn’t put words to it in the past, and couldn’t ever imagine speaking the truth of what I was feeling. But it got to the point where I could not bear the burden on my own any longer. I needed a better life for myself and wanted an understanding of what was going on within me.

The best way to feel validated in your depression is to recognize how common depression is and that there is help available. Learn to accept that your experience with depression will be different from anybody else’s and that is normal too. Be willing to speak truthfully of your experiences.

Depression can be scary and holds a weight of trouble that can deter us from accepting its implications. But that shouldn’t keep you stuck in your suffering forever. The process may seem daunting, but it is much better than living with depression for the rest of your life.