“You can’t heal what you can’t feel.”

This is a phrase I have heard many times over the course of therapy and recovery; it tells us we cannot move forward from our pain if we do not first address it; it prompts us to face our demons and begin to move forward into freedom.

For many years, I believed that my problems simply did not exist if I did not address their existence. This is very common for people who have experienced trauma, have high-functioning anxiety or depression, and believe in faking peace until it comes true. However, this suppression builds up bitterness, despair, pressure, and anger as the weight of our pain increases. We become a time bomb within ourselves as all the emotions, fears, and frustrations threaten to spill over into our lives.

Fake it ‘til You Make It

The common statement “fake it ‘til you make it” has run rampant around our culture, pushing its way into athletics, the workplace, school, and relationships. I had mentors often tell this to me when I felt overwhelmed, anxious, or inadequate. Yes, I believe there is some truth to the idea that we can start to form our reactions when we convince ourselves we are capable of anything. Yet this prompting becomes toxic when we refuse to address our internal world that aches with emotional and mental turmoil.

We can so easily trick ourselves into pretending that we have perfect lives with no anguish. We start to convince ourselves that if we put a smile on our faces and push away the thorns that stick into our minds, then there is nothing to be addressed. The more we push down the discomfort that arises with troublesome thoughts and emotions, the more those things will begin to spill out to the sides.

We can only push down so much before we begin to feel ourselves bursting with unhealed maladies.

Numbing is not Healing

You may have heard of people feeling numb or apathetic when describing their mental state. It is common with people suffering from depression or dancing on the edges of indifference to life. It is one of the scariest mental spaces to be in as your mind struggles to find the desire to make changes toward relief.

Numbing is also a maladaptive coping skill that many people turn to when emotions and intrusive thoughts are running high. It is the mind and body’s response to traumatic emotions, uncomfortable thoughts, or depression and anxiety. Despite how comfortable it may feel to numb the emotions rather than confront the internal turmoil, it is not a way to heal these parts of ourselves. Instead, by numbing what arises, we ignore and suppress the need to understand, organize, and process the pieces that need to be healed.

One way to visualize this is with an open wound. When we get hurt, we may be able to ignore the pain we are feeling to get through the next 5 minutes. Our adrenaline runs high while our body finds a way to get help and begin to take care of the wound. But if we chose to not clean the wound of bacteria and bandage it and rather continue ignoring the pain, we run the risk of infection and more intense medical intervention. Similarly, when we leave our internal wounds open, we run the risk of letting them grow so large that we cannot bare them any longer.

We must feel our emotions (the good, the bad, and the ugly) in order to heal our hearts and minds.

Addressing the Pain

When we decide to stop pretending that we are okay, we can take the first steps toward healing. We can begin to clean our wounds, understand what makes us who we are, and live in greater peace and joy. And as much as I would like this process to be quick, clean, and tidy it is not. It is messy and painful but it is so beautiful. And it all starts with the decision to begin addressing our pain.

The best way to begin addressing our internal struggles is by accepting that they are present. After a period of pushing down or numbing emotions and thoughts, it can be difficult to completely understand what comes up when we allow them to exist. We may not be able to explain what we are feeling or understand the reactions we have. This is not something to fear, but to embrace! Do not be tempted to let the overwhelming emotions shut down your willingness to heal.

Acknowledging the hurt we are going through takes vulnerability and time. We must be willing to open ourselves to feel our deepest emotions and work through them (I suggest a therapist). We begin to allow ourselves to grow into the peace we crave when we expose the pain that resides within. It is a process, but it is worth it.

Healing is also not something to be done alone! We are meant to live our lives in community and connection with the people around us. Employ your loved ones, your inner circle, a therapist and professionals, your church community, and your peers. Begin to recognize that every single person has a battle they are fighting and there is more empathy within the world than we recognize. Remember to hold necessary boundaries, but lean on the people who support you most when you choose to heal what hurts.

Takeaways

When we push down the things that trigger pain, discomfort, fear, or sadness, we lose the ability to heal. We prevent ourselves from living a life of freedom and rob ourselves of peace and joy. Yes, it is uncomfortable when unwanted emotions arise or trauma from our past threatens our psyche. Yet these things limit us. We get stuck in a box when we refuse to feel what is hurting because we cannot heal from what we ignore.

When we suppress, we hold on to the pain and we cannot begin to move forward. Let yourself be rid of what weighs you down and begin to confront what is hurting. Move forward into healing and growth. Embrace the process and start to authentically live in peace.