Surrender: to cease resistance to an enemy or opponent; to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand.
Surrender is the opening of hands and uttering the words that you give in to the power that is greater than anything. It is the knowledge that you can no longer fight against great forces, especially not alone. It is the acknowledgment that God is the Only that can hold you and save you.
My surrender came in the aisles of the church during a song of praise, surrounded by the vibration of love for and from Jesus, amongst the strongest and weakest of people. It happened the moment my knees hit the ground and I opened my hands, praying fervently to Jesus that everything is in his hands now. My strong demeanor fell with the tears that streaked my cheeks, splashing on the hard ground beneath me, releasing the bitterness and resistance within me. My surrender was the moment my heart broke, and my eyes were opened to the fact that I could not fight my battle alone. I knew at that moment all that I had done wrong in the face of God, to myself, to my loved ones.
It is hard for us to surrender as humans. We like to believe that we have the power within us to withstand any storm, fight every enemy, control outcomes, and walk alone. But it is not so. Rather, we need to rely on God to get us through the one life we have on earth, we need to call on Him and the village around us to fight alongside us. It is necessary to open our hands and our mouths, asking for the guidance and help we so desperately need.
The Image of Surrender
In our culture, there are many stipulations to the word “surrender.” There is the image of a white flag at the end of a drawn-out war, indicating defeat and implying weakness. This is what deems surrender as giving up. On the other hand, it is the beautiful image of someone opening their hands and heart, saying the painful words that they have nothing left to give and need anything available.
I choose to believe in the latter, knowing that surrender is the bravest thing a person can do.
It is not for the faint of heart. It is painful and it is terrifying to release our grip and hand our sword to someone else. But it is necessary, for we see defeat when we do not allow ourselves to restore and replenish our own selves.
When I surrender my fight to Jesus, I know that it is no longer my turn to tirelessly work against forces I cannot defeat. And this is what allows me to see victory.
Surrender in Recovery
There is power in surrendering every day. It is the admittance that we cannot go through what we are battling alone. In eating disorder treatment, it is the surrender to trusting a team of professionals to control meal plans, therapeutic processes, and psychiatric changes. In drug or alcohol rehabilitation, it is surrendering to the fact that you must be sober to live and love, allowing the detox process and therapeutic process to take place.
In recovery, it is the daily surrender to God, knowing that He has designed a life for you to live without substance abuse, starvation, or addiction. It is the constant letting go of the past, of shame and guilt, of the desire to use maladaptive behaviors. It is surrendering to the fact that you must live every single day carefully for there is a reality in relapse that the thoughts and urges never go away.
I found my surrender in recovery when I knew that I could not live at all if I held onto trauma, shame, hate, and a body image ideal I would never maintain. I found my surrender when I realized that I can be loved for who I am, not what I look like. I found surrender when I knew that I wanted something more than I was living, and that life is far greater than being the smallest version of myself.
Daily Surrender
Surrender takes place every day when we let go of our need to control, our bitter hatred and unforgiveness, and our misunderstanding of a joyful life. When we decide to fall in love with life, cut ties with the devil’s call to be alone, and realize we are allowed to be helped.
A daily choice to let life flow around us and to allow what is meant to happen to come to fruition is powerful. Recognizing that there is a God who hands us a new opportunity each day allows us to release our hold on the past and surrender to what is now.
Each day, surrender takes place when we know that God is greater and has ultimate control over our being and that He never forsakes us. It is making Jesus the Lord of our life and allowing Christ to move fluidly through our existence.